Managing Yourself in ETA/SMB

Big Deal Small Business, Issue #109

Managing Yourself in ETA/SMB

Big Deal Small Business, Issue #109

Searching for and acquiring a small business is a whole-life activity. Operating a small business is a whole-life activity. You can’t truly separate out your work and your “life” — they are inextricably tied.

I have found this to be one of the largest differences going from W-2 life to business owner life. Strategic decisions I make about the business have a significant impact on the rest of my life, including my ability to be a present partner/family member, friend, etc.

The 24/7 low-grade anxiety of owning a small business WILL have an impact on the rest of your life. There’s no way around that. You can try to ignore it, but invariably you will fail, and your friends & family will bear the brunt of the consequences. That can take many forms:

• When you are actually in a low point of your search / business, you will draw heavily on your friends & family for emotional support to keep you going.

• Even if you’re just chugging along in your search / business, you may be easily-irritable and have low patience for others, including your partner or kids.

• You may feel fine, but you are so mentally torched that you can’t actually support your partner/family in planning basic life logistics, moving a lot of that labor to your partner.

As a searcher / business owner — you chose this life. Even if your partner, friends, and family support your choices, it was ultimately your choice. That means it’s also your responsibility to manage the consequences of your choices.

There are several strategies you can employ to proactively manage your mental & emotional health as a searcher / business owner:

• Join peer groups

• Establish recurring 1:1 connection points with other searchers & business owners

• Hire a therapist and/or executive coach

• Developing self-care routines

I have done all of the above, and still struggle many days or weeks. Below, I share some thoughts on what I’ve learned about each of these strategies.

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Peer Groups

I have been in a peer group in some form or fashion for over three years now — it’s been one of my most impactful time investments.

I started in a mixed peer group that had some searchers, some business owners, and even one exited business owner. That group formed on Twitter, and yet I’ve developed real friendships from it — I’ve met each of them in-person, and have visited multiple of their businesses. A couple of them are investors in my business.

Searchers face the unique challenge of dealing with a binary goal: did I buy a business, or not? It makes each week feel like a slog. I don’t think I would have completed my search were it not for being in a peer group that picked me up when I was discouraged.

So yes, a peer group will help you learn all kinds of helpful tips & tactics to improve your search — but the mental/emotional support — that’s what’s truly crucial.

It’s no different once I became a business owner — our peer group evolved to be moderated by an executive coach, with a bit more structure around discussing specific business issues. I have received a lot of helpful, immediately impactful business advice in my group.

But the core benefit remains the same as when I was a searcher — it’s a place to be seen by people who understand you. It’s a place to find motivation & support from others who experience the same struggles as you.

There are a number of ways to find or develop a peer group, but I’m plugging two specific ones today:

• For Searchers:

  • Durable is a Utah business owned by Chase Murdock and his partners.

  • I actually met Chase through my very first peer group — we’ve become great friends since then, and I view him a crucial advisor in my business. I have visited the businesses he owns in Salt Lake City, and was excited to see him launch this peer group program targeting searchers.

  • Durable will put you in a group with 8-10 searchers to serve as a personal advisory board. The group will be guided by experienced business acquirers. The group will convene regularly by video call and in a private Slack channel.

  • Durable will also facilitate various workshops & guest speakers to support more targeted learning, such as deal flow generation and underwriting practices.

  • Note: He also offers business owner peer groups, but those are limited to those who are physically in the Utah area.

• For Business Owners:

  • SMB Community is operated by Rand Larsen, another foundational member of the broader search community. He’s big on bringing people together, as highlighted by his massive cross-country road trip organizing SMB/ETA happy hours.

  • His business owner peer groups are focused on members who have acquired through ETA, with most planning to keep acquiring. The average revenue per member is $9 million in annual sales.

  • Members are part of a virtual peer group of 5-7 other business owners of similar size businesses in similar industries. They will also be in a Slack group together for async communication.

  • There are various other benefits, which you can see at the link above.

Disclosure: I have referral agreements with both Chase and Rand, but I also feel very confident that these are exactly the types of groups I would have joined if they’d been around when I was starting my search journey.

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1:1 Relationships

This may seem too obvious to even state, but it is so easy to get into the swing of things and make yourself too busy. You keep moving the calendar invite out another week (I’m guilty of this too!). You put a note on your to-do list to reach out, but then you just ignore it.

When I think about the benefits of becoming a small business owner, my new friendships with fellow searchers & business owners is clearly a top 3 result. It’s been so cool to witness peers charting their own journey as I try to chart mine.

These 1:1 friendships are especially valuable if you choose to be vulnerable. Talk about what’s hard, what’s not working well. Let your friend pick you up, and be there to pick them up. It’s not a time to shy away from harder conversations.

A couple more practical thoughts:

• Get on a plane. Visit your friends (including your online friends) in person. Meet their partners, get a tour of their businesses, see what their life looks like. Make the time to understand the full context of your friends’ lives.

• Go to conferences. I’m not a conference person — I’m a strong introvert. I need to leave conferences every few hours to lie in my hotel bed to recharge. But the best part of conferences like SMBash are that it brings your people to one place. Make the most of it by planning out 1:1 hangs in advance. Carve out the time to actually connect with your people.

• Set up recurring events. Whether it’s a monthly zoom call or in-person happy hour, just put things on the calendar, and then show up. It’s really that simple. It’s okay if you show up with limited energy — just give what you’re able to give on that day, be a good listener. You’ll have another chance a month from now on your next call.

Your life is too busy as a small business owner — I don’t even have kids and I struggle to make it all work. You have to schedule in time to visit and talk to your friends, or it won’t happen.

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Hire a Therapist / Executive Coach

I won’t go too in-depth here, but at various points in my small business journey, I have had a therapist and/or an executive coach.

The key distinction is knowing which one to hire (and the answer can be both).

Potential Signs You Should Hire a Therapist:

• You are struggling to remain emotionally stable day-to-day. You fly off the handle at little things.

• You are *too* emotionally stable, in that you’re numb. You’re not able to differentiate between good days & bad days.

• You are dreading going to work when you wake up.

• You aren’t sure how to unwind and release the stress you’re holding.

• You’re not sure how to communicate with your partner or kids when you’re just exhausted and stressed, so you feel like you’re letting them down.

• You struggle to open up because you don’t want to be a burden on someone else. The beauty of hiring a therapist is that you’re literally paying them to listen to you.

This is a non-exhaustive list — just some potential signs to help you identify. If you’re unsure if a therapist (or what kind of therapist) is right for you, consult with your primary medical provider and they can point you in the right direction.

Potential Signs You Should Hire an Executive Coach:

• You feel like no one in your life understands the unique challenges you face as a business owner.

• You are struggling to prioritize or get overwhelmed by the enormity of the tasks on your to-do list.

• You keep venting to your therapist about business-specific issues.

• Your chats with your business friends don’t feel sufficiently productive, they feel more like vent sessions that don’t actually get better with time. (Vent sessions are still great & healthy! But sometimes you want to channel that energy into action.)

• You feel like you are falling short in your management or leadership style or decision-making, but aren’t sure how to improve.

Neither is an exhaustive list, just some ideas to get your mind rolling. Obviously folks have different opinions on these topics, but I’m a strong proponent of you finding the support you need.

Please do email me if you’re not sure and I’m happy to provide some thoughts to the extent I can be helpful.

Note: Durable, mentioned above for peer groups, also offers CEO and executive coaching, which you can learn about here.

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Developing Self-Care Routines

Frankly, this is the one I’m worst at, and my partner keeps reminding me to work on.

You need to be able to disconnect from the business and allow your body & mind time to recharge. There’s no one-size-fits-all here, so I’m going to throw a few categories of ideas at you — pick whatever resonates, and do it. Consistently.

• Walks: I like to go for walks in the middle of the workday occasionally if I can swing it. Especially with a friend.

• Physical Activities: Running, skiing, biking, rock climbing, etc. Move your body. More low-key versions can include massages (I’m doing my second one this weekend!) or playing outside with your kids.

• Cerebral Activities: I put golf in this category for me. But meditation could fit for you. You’re not trying to turn your brain off, you’re having it focus on a different set of thoughts. You could simply go to a coffee shop and read a book. Ideally without your phone, though I’ve certainly never actually done that.

• Writing/Journaling: What do you think this blog is for me…

I didn’t include escapist activities on this list. I think almost everyone uses TV/movies/TikTok/social media/video games to disassociate and turn their brain off. I’m deeply guilty of being TikTok-addicted.

Obviously, some amount of this is totally okay. But I’m trying to be more aware that the endless scrolling isn’t actually recharging me, it’s just letting me turn off my brain for a bit.

True self-care routines should help us be more prepared to take on the stressors & challenges of being a business owner. Numbing activities are more focused on just giving you a brief reprieve from the stressors & challenges. It’s a fine distinction, but one I’m trying to make more intentionally these days.

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Conclusion

This path is a whole life decision. You have to manage your whole life around it, or your business will manage your life for you.

Peer groups, 1:1 relationships, therapist/coaches, self-care. I’ve honestly used all of those over my tenure as a business owner so far, and I’m working on using them more.

I’d love to hear other ideas you have on how to manage your mental, emotional, and physical well-being as a business owner. Hit reply to this email or send me a note on Twitter.

Best,

Guesswork Investing